mistakes..

Assalamualaikum..
Yes,this time round,it was my mistake..
It was not Dad's,or Mum's..
IT WAS MINE..
Honestly,when I received the news..I broke down and cried..I sent the news to my father and mother..

UiTM,Asasi Sains..

When I checked,it was my last choice..
Was this a test,or a payback for my unlimited sins?
What was God trying to tell me?
I wanted to cry and just forget about it..but I can't..
Even when I was on the phone with my mum pun,I cannot cry..
She told me to go and reflect myself,instead..I got really angry and done more sins..
And I'm sorry mum,for that..you know I'm not good with words..so,I'm really sorry..
I tried to consult with my friends..was UiTM that bad until you got so angry?
Oh yes,they told me that it was good too,and that made me feel good too..
I was happy for a moment..that a lot of my friends that got UiTM..
But this morning I woke up and got a really heavy burden in my heart..
And I knew..that I didn't want this too..You were right..that..it's going to affect my future..
And yes,I was jealous with everyone else..
 The truth was,that I wanted to get UIA so badly,and I really thought that with dad there,that I'm sure to get it..
BUT I WAS WAS WRONG..DEAD WRONG..

Then,Dad doesn't want to do anything about it..he said that there's nothing that I can do about it..
So,I have to accept this then..
And Mum,I'm sorry for making you sad again..and before..

I'm Blaming Myself for all of this..
But,just for the record..I did worked hard for it..
Just,maybe I seemed playful,but I did the best I could..
I prayed,and doa,and prayed..I thought about it everyday..I dreamed..I wished..
But I realized,I didn't do it very well enough..
Or this is a test..
Or,I am cursed for the rest of my life..
I don't know..But now,I'm just reflecting myself more and more..And I'm going to keep quiet after this and think more..Think about everything that's happening,and being better in life..

Then again, I really need someone to talk about this..
But I guess, that it's my punishment as well..
So,I'm giving up now..
and I'm sorry..
But I'm just too tired for all of this..
I really do..
I don't give up easily..but I am seriously..seriously..losing hope..
Now,It's empty.