I see the world as it is. From me.

Well, the last post was depressing.

But I'm not deleting it for I guess it serve as a reminder of my bad days. And when i read it again, I swear I don't remember writing those things like, am i really that depressed at that moment?

Anyways, sometimes I just write things and when I reread it I don't believe that it was me writing it. Oh well.

My mom is right (she always is btw thats why I admire her). This is life. It can't always go our way. But hey, if it doesn't who says you can't turn it around?

There was one rainy morning, I was sitting outside and for the whole 20 minutes, I just stare at the dew drops forming at the end of the leaves. The dew drop was so pretty, so fragile and deep in my heart I knew it would fall down, hitting on the ground and become just another particle.
I just watched each and every dew drop fall and it was calming. Rain always calms down my nerve. Rains can make me reflect on some things about life. Dew drops. Hey, that can be the next title of my book huh?

During the holidays, I'm not that social because its the time of the year where I can just spend with my family at home and do nothing. It's my time to be alone and just sit down and watch dew drops all day. So people can be really pissed off at me for not responding to their texts. (Sorry not sorry :) )
Believe me, university life is hectic and being the position im holding now, sometimes im just running everywhere. I love being active. It just opens up my perspective and make me pick up new things. Like when I became the MC for Pharmily Day. It was awesome, I didn't know I had it in me. The next thing I knew, not to brag...people were trying to book me for different events.

In an turtle shell (because people keep using 'in a nutshell' and gettin kinda boring so I love TMNT so whattt?), I guess I can sometimes look at the world in a different way and sometimes people cant digest that. But, overall as I walk through life and meeting lots and lots of people with different personality disorders lol I just shrug it off or try to understand them in a different way as they understand me. Most of the time, they became my friends. Mom always says to do what you feel is right with your heart.

And most of the time, my heart is right.

And, I forgive you.

#sadlyfe

This year was supposed to be great...

I mean, in the beginning everything went great. I won the election, chosen to go for the trip to Japan and I touched a few hearts along the way with some of my actions but..now, everything is just falling apart...

My degree results just gotten from bad to worst case scenario...I got into an accident and it was all my fault...I ruined my mom's phone...I ruined the first day of fasting...I almost ruin my relationship with my mom...my ear infection reoccured and now I'm worried sick of my eardrum has a hole...

I'm just so sad with everything. I'm getting fatter and possibly dumber..I'm getting sloppy and slow...everybody thinks I'm a sad mess and I'm always unprepared and messy.

I feel angry with myself. I'm never going to go far in life despite my dreams. I might as well forget all of them and try to go by each day as it is.

I should stop standing out and play safe from now on. Never take risk and keep it small. I'm not destined for greatness. I never was.

My friends are moving forward, achieving this and that here and there...my friend is getting married at 21! And here I am, blaming myself for anything.

I'm an effin nobody. I'm a mistake and never should have been borned...

what do you believe?

Dragons and fairies and demons?

Are they real? Do they exist alongside us? Breathing the same air, admiring the same blue sky and feeling the dirt underneath the soles of their feet as they walk the earth.

It doesn't matter if they're real or not. It matters in what you believe in. If you believe, they could be just a reach away. They could show up in front of you right now and you would be crazy amazed. The power. The power of faith and belief.

Now, I'm not talking about my faith. I'm not questioning my faith. My faith in Allah SWT is firm. I am a Muslim and Insya-Allah will always be.

It's just that, I found fascination in such creatures. Dragons, fairies, elves. I always pictured them to be real and I would fall in love with them, all of them. You may think that I'm blabbering and all but this is what I wanted to say and I want you to think as I do.

Fantasy. We fantasize about a lot of things and sometimes, it became so powerful that we can't separate them from reality. Daydreaming would be the escape for some people. They find it comforting and that it kidnaps them from a world that they only think as burdening them.

I read a lot of mythology and history. I compare them with different sources and try to understand their story, their origins. If I'm not busy being a pharmacist, I read up on them. It's just that, this is my escape, my dream world. I watch fantasy movies not just because I enjoy them because of the fairy dusts or charming princes, but I think. I think of their relation with what I read and it would feel like a rewarding experience for me, because I know about them. Because I read.

I watch movies or tv series that provokes my thoughts and some were very persistent, but i managed to draw a line. So that I won't stray. I think, and I analyze. I watch rituals from other cultures, not because I wanted to do it, but it made me think on why they were doing it. Sometimes, after watching them and people asks me for recommendation, I would see how that person is first, whether they're strong enough to see such things. It's not easy to shield you heart and faith, I know.

Living in the world now, from what I read, hear, see and understand...it is a very harsh place. It can make a person mad if the individual does not have a strong defense mechanism on themselves. Evil is everywhere and it comes from men him/herself...the one that were supposed to guard the world of evil. Now, we're making a mess of it. Sometimes, what you see in the news is so ridiculous and impossible that you wouldn't believe it actually happened. I just...

I have a lot to write about but time seems to be taking a jet away from me. I have to constantly fly with my rocket just to keep up and maybe surpass it. Its just that, I try to be diverse and understand  a lot of things, but the more I know, the more stupid I become.

Because you know something and it opens another door called doubt. You settle the doubt and other doors lead to other things open up. What is true and what is not?

You be the judge. You be the savior. You be the fallen.