me.

Hello.

I'm gonna cut the crap and say what's on my mind lately. 

It's just that, I know me. I am the sweet, cheerful, creative, carefree girl on one side...and the other side, is the hardworker, competetive, seeking side. I'm a fighter but with a sensitive side.

I despise dependency and would try my hardest to acquire anything that I don't know first then seek help. It's my nature, I don't need any help and that was why when everything crumbled when there was nothing left but dust then I will ask for help. People tell me it's bad, but that's how I am. Easy to say, I rather not ask for help at all. It's not that I'm egoistic or thought myself to be snobby, but I don't want people to see me weak and dependent. I want people to look at me and they would say, She is efficient, strong and independent.

I love to help people, but I want those people to help themselves as well. I hate it when people just ask for what they want without trying. Unless you have a severe emergency then I wouldn't mind but sometimes I worked so hard for something...but you get the ultimate reward. 

There's just too much going inside me right now. Being a public figure, I'm going to hurt people. I just wish for a moment to myself to sort these things out. I know it's just a state of mind, but I'm tired.

Tired as hell.

this is a story, of a girl...who...

Hello there!

And yes, I just got back from one of my successful running sessions.

This is a true story.

So there she was, a very insecured girl who was very cautious with her body, how she looked, how she dressed...
People always tell her that she looked...BIG and how she looked well, FAT.

She resented herself. She hated herself once upon a time.
She kept thinking, "Why am I like this? Why am I FAT?"

After a lot of thinking, she told herself no more. No more staying in one spot and just accepting her fate.
So she started her searching. Searching for diet plans, one that involves no exercise. After a lot of searching, she realized that there was none. Oh there was, but it involves tons of money. She didn't have that much money.

So she prepared herself for the hard way. She exercised.
At first, it was so hard, so peril. She wanted to just give up. And yes, she did.
The same thing happened again. She grew even bigger.

Then one day, there was clarity. She said, "THIS HAS TO STOP. Get a damn grip of yourself..."

So she meditated, and she told her body, she monologue with her inner self, she said, "Body, you are beautiful. You are, truly. But don't you want to become better? To be more healthy? Don't you want to reduce your size so that you could fit into your old clothes? My heart and mind are prepared, but without you my body, this could't work. I need your strength..."

Then she prayed to her Allah, she prayed for strength.

Her training session started again, and this time, it was consistent. Over two months, she felt no hardship at all. It was her routine to go and run at least 30 minutes a day, either on flat land or at the stairs. After a long time, it felt nothing to her. She could jog for 30 minutes straight without stopping. To athletes, 30 minutes was meh. But to someone like her, there was a sense of pure victory. She felt even more confident.

She didn't need anyone else telling her she got smaller or not, but she believed in herself. To those who told her otherwise, she just brushed them off.  She kept on moving forward.

As a science student, she knew about recovery rate. How much time does her heart need to get back into normal rhythm after exercise. And over the course of time, it became less and less. Her heart endured and became powerful. Her body had steeled itself to any obstacle given her way.

She encouraged others to exercise. To those who wanted to become more healthy, she pushed and gave words of encouragement. She helped other people. She wanted everyone to never give up like she did. She never gave up. That was the key. That was the answer.

And she will keep on doing what she does. Not caring what other people say. Not caring what other people think. That day, she told her Mom, she had enough. Her Mom was one of the people who told her, never give up. Now, she would like to tell her Mom, "Dear Mom, thank you for your kind words. Thank you for your belief in me..."

Because now, she is unstoppable.

sometimes I surprise me :3

Assalamualaikum and a very warm hello to all you readers out there...
And yes I have come back from my loooooooooooooooooonggggggggg disappearance.
Well, I have a lot to tell you about. About the games I have played and all, and what happened in my current life. *fumbling fingers I, well, I have little time to write about it so, I pictured it in my insta and well...

Anyway, I thought for a start, I would like to post an essay I wrote to my English lecturer when he asked us to write a 500 word long essay on what we would like to research about so here it is *drumroll

Students insight on video games and studying life

                Almost all of the human population play this little thing we call video games. We play it on consoles such as Play Station 3 or XBOX 360, Wii, our desktops, laptops and even in our tablets or smartphones. Over the years, everything has evolved and every specs of video gaming has improved immensely whether regarding graphics, designs, controls, the engine, character and the storyline of the game itself. Playing video games doesn’t count on what gender you are or how your level of gaming is. It’s a universal activity that we can see happening every day in each part of the world. Though some questions always rose: Is video games good for you? What are the positivity and the negativity in gaming?

                Researches by experts have been conducted throughout the years and the results have always been debated. Some concluded if we play action games improves our abilities in decision making and fast thinking without sacrificing our accuracy. Another example is if we play a lot of strategy games, it will improve our management skills where in strategy games requires us to manage our resources in building a city, to march on an enemy or how defenses should take place if we are attacked. On psychological level, they say video games effects someone’s emotions and social life, where violent games tend to make someone become violent. Some say otherwise. Even so, video games are an ongoing mystery that researches are still trying to crack the ultimate code on where video games fit in our lives.

                I am at the peak of my curiosity on where it fit in a student’s life. People always say that video games are a waste of time on which the time spent on gaming should rather be spent on studying. True, but should we ignore the benefits it gives us which could be implied in studying? It gets to my nerve when someone says that a gamer has no life and that we should wake up to reality because I am a gamer myself and that I am a student. I would really like to prove the world wrong that video games are all bad and that no good fits in the equation per se. But being on student level, I have limit authority and conducting big experiments will be impossible but I would start from the bottom if I had to.

                My research is about getting the students views on video gaming and study life. Is it appropriate to play games while being a student? What are their thoughts on people who play video games while being a student, whether it is themselves or other people? If we play it properly while observing the right ethics will it make any difference? What are the effects? My research will involve students who are studying here in CFS IIUM and whether they play video games or not. If it permits, I would like to even send some survey on my gaming friends on the internet that came from everywhere around the world and that we would converge and play video games together most times on our gaming network. I would hand out surveys containing questions regarding my research. From the surveys, I will properly go through the results and make a conclusion.

Miza Syakirah

Group 192

Sir Shahrul Annuar

So yeah, I was surprised I could write that in just half an hour *flips hair 

because he told us that afternoon by text and asked us to submit before five that evening and I was like WHAT?!

But I managed to send it before 2. Which is well *flips hair again