I see the world as it is. From me.

Well, the last post was depressing.

But I'm not deleting it for I guess it serve as a reminder of my bad days. And when i read it again, I swear I don't remember writing those things like, am i really that depressed at that moment?

Anyways, sometimes I just write things and when I reread it I don't believe that it was me writing it. Oh well.

My mom is right (she always is btw thats why I admire her). This is life. It can't always go our way. But hey, if it doesn't who says you can't turn it around?

There was one rainy morning, I was sitting outside and for the whole 20 minutes, I just stare at the dew drops forming at the end of the leaves. The dew drop was so pretty, so fragile and deep in my heart I knew it would fall down, hitting on the ground and become just another particle.
I just watched each and every dew drop fall and it was calming. Rain always calms down my nerve. Rains can make me reflect on some things about life. Dew drops. Hey, that can be the next title of my book huh?

During the holidays, I'm not that social because its the time of the year where I can just spend with my family at home and do nothing. It's my time to be alone and just sit down and watch dew drops all day. So people can be really pissed off at me for not responding to their texts. (Sorry not sorry :) )
Believe me, university life is hectic and being the position im holding now, sometimes im just running everywhere. I love being active. It just opens up my perspective and make me pick up new things. Like when I became the MC for Pharmily Day. It was awesome, I didn't know I had it in me. The next thing I knew, not to brag...people were trying to book me for different events.

In an turtle shell (because people keep using 'in a nutshell' and gettin kinda boring so I love TMNT so whattt?), I guess I can sometimes look at the world in a different way and sometimes people cant digest that. But, overall as I walk through life and meeting lots and lots of people with different personality disorders lol I just shrug it off or try to understand them in a different way as they understand me. Most of the time, they became my friends. Mom always says to do what you feel is right with your heart.

And most of the time, my heart is right.

And, I forgive you.

#sadlyfe

This year was supposed to be great...

I mean, in the beginning everything went great. I won the election, chosen to go for the trip to Japan and I touched a few hearts along the way with some of my actions but..now, everything is just falling apart...

My degree results just gotten from bad to worst case scenario...I got into an accident and it was all my fault...I ruined my mom's phone...I ruined the first day of fasting...I almost ruin my relationship with my mom...my ear infection reoccured and now I'm worried sick of my eardrum has a hole...

I'm just so sad with everything. I'm getting fatter and possibly dumber..I'm getting sloppy and slow...everybody thinks I'm a sad mess and I'm always unprepared and messy.

I feel angry with myself. I'm never going to go far in life despite my dreams. I might as well forget all of them and try to go by each day as it is.

I should stop standing out and play safe from now on. Never take risk and keep it small. I'm not destined for greatness. I never was.

My friends are moving forward, achieving this and that here and there...my friend is getting married at 21! And here I am, blaming myself for anything.

I'm an effin nobody. I'm a mistake and never should have been borned...